My Rules for Conducting Wedding Ceremonies 

 My Personal Notes  

Before I submit to you my personal rules for conducting weddings, allow me to give you a brief introduction. 

Some have thought me to be a bit harsh when it comes to conducting wedding ceremonies, but I honestly don't see how I can view a God given institution in any other manner. This is a basic set of rules that I require if you wish to have me conduct your wedding. 

I take my responsibilities toward marriage and the marriage ceremony very sincerely and I will not violate my conscience concerning marriage.  

I have had people (some who have been married 4, 5, 6 times) who get very angry for requiring counseling stating they have already been married and they understand all about marriage and what it is for (hmmm....I wonder why their previous, sometimes multiple marriages didn't work?). 

I've been accused of "judging" them and condemning them when I occasionally decline to perform a ceremony. If that's what one chooses to believe, so be it, but I am the one who must stand before God on judgment day and answer for your marriage and my actions in performing it. I look at such actions and accusations by people as immature and childish as well as unbiblical and false. It is equivalent to throwing a temper tantrum to get your way. I personally do no succumb to such demands. I don't believe in the "squeaky wheel" theory. 

I like the LAW that Arkansas now has governing marriage under the "Covenant Marriage Law" and I encourage anyone desiring to be married to look into this option. I wasn't aware that it was a law until recently. While it is not entirely by the Word of God, it does come closer than the allowances made by many people today when it comes to divorce.  

The hard fact is: There is no requirement anywhere in the Word of God for me or for ANY Minister of the Gospel to perform a wedding ceremony for anyone at all. I'm sorry if you believe otherwise.  

Any Minister has an absolute right to accept or decline a proposal to perform a ceremony for any reason.  

The following are MY requirements for conducting wedding ceremonies.  I have to abide by my conscience and convictions.  If you cannot agree, please seek someone else to perform your wedding ceremony. 

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh."  [Ephesians 5:31]

My Rules for Conducting Wedding Ceremonies

The authority to officiate at wedding ceremonies is a privilege granted to ordained ministers in this state and to some officials such as judges and justices of the peace. Having a preacher officiate at a wedding is a custom in our society and not a command from God. A wedding ceremony performed by a judge or a justice of the peace is just as valid as one performed by a preacher. I do not make my living by officiating at wedding ceremonies. Officiating at wedding ceremonies is not mandated by the Scriptures as a service that preachers are obligated to perform, consequently, respecting the Bible’s silence on the matter, most churches leave the issue of solemnizing marriages up to the judgment of each individual preacher. While preachers may or may not solemnize marriages, the institution of marriage is defined directly by the Word of God.

I cannot and will not, as a matter of conscience, participate in any type of ceremony or “union” which involves a homosexual relationship because the biblical pattern for sexual relationships is clearly and exclusively heterosexual in nature and to be enjoyed as a privilege of marriage between one man and one woman. I take the matter of marriage very seriously and I occasionally decline to perform wedding ceremonies when circumstances according to my conscience and understanding of the Word of God dictate.

If you want me to officiate your wedding, I will ask you to sign this agreement which states that you are willing to abide by the rules set forth herein. If you do not agree with these rules, then please contact someone else to have your vows solemnized. 

Counseling

I require a bare minimum of 8 hours of marriage counseling with both parties before I will officiate a wedding ceremony. 8 hours when the rest of your life is concerned is not asking much and is actually insufficient to cover all aspects of marriage, however, there are some basics according to the Word of God that I wish for all parties involved to fully understand. These 8 hours are sufficient to cover the basics. The sessions will be conducted at the church with at least one other person present. These sessions will be approximately ONE HOUR in length and will be conducted no sooner than ONE WEEK apart. This means you will be involved in counseling for 8 weeks.  I will not cover the entire 8 hours at one sitting unless there are extremely unusual circumstances pertaining to your situation. These sessions will identify strengths and weaknesses in the relationship and will include discussion on the purpose of marriage and the God given responsibilities of both the husband and wife. It will also include a brief covering of responsibilities toward children. If the sessions are not completed, I cannot officiate the wedding ceremony.

ENSURE THAT YOU PLAN YOUR WEDDING FAR ENOUGH IN ADVANCE IN ORDER TO COMPLETE THE COUNSELING SESSIONS.  

Pregnancy and/or Divorce

If the bride-to-be is pregnant or if either party has been divorced, I need to know this immediately. This does not mean that I will not perform the ceremony, although it MAY affect my decision to participate or decline. After thoroughly studying the Bible’s teaching on marriage and divorce, I will require that both parties to the proposed marriage to set forth in writing, any reasons, scriptural or legal that could prevent this marriage from being performed lawfully. 

Your Wedding Vows

It has become fashionable for women in our society to insist that words referring to “submission” and/or “obedience” be excluded from their wedding vows. If either the prospective bride or groom is not in agreement with their biblically defined roles, and will not agree to so state their agreement to them in their wedding vows, then I cannot and will not participate in the wedding.   I will use traditional vows that will include the words "Love, Honor, Cherish and Obey".

If this is objectionable to you, please find someone else to officiate your wedding.

The Ceremony Arrangements

The ceremony and the order of the service, excluding the lawful orders, are the duties of the bride ONLY. The only person from whom I will accept input concerning the actual ceremony is the bride. The bride may consult whomever she chooses. I will not discuss changes to the ceremony with either the mother of the bride or the mother of the groom. Their input should be given through the bride.

Standards of Dress and Conduct

A Wedding ceremony is to be taken seriously. Vows will be exchanged before your friends, your family and more importantly, in the presence of God. You must understand that your wedding is being conducted in a CHURCH setting and as such ALL parties involved should be respectful and reverent at all times. It is YOUR duty to ensure your wedding party is aware of this. If either the groom, the bride or any of the wedding party (not your guests) come to the ceremony dressed immodestly or disrespectfully, or if I believe them to be in a state of intoxication, which includes under the influence of any illegal substance, I will immediately refuse to participate until that person is removed from the premises. If you refuse to remove that person, regardless of their status in the wedding party, I will not officiate the wedding and will terminate my participation in it immediately. It is your responsibility to make your wedding party aware of this. If they wish to partake of such substances, they should ensure that it is done AWAY FROM THE CHURCH and away from the CEREMONY.

Reception 

If you desire to serve alcohol at your reception, I cannot and will not participate in your wedding. I believe partaking of alcoholic substances is sinful for the purposes in which it is used in our present culture. If you mislead me about this before the ceremony and decide to serve alcohol anyway at your reception I WILL NOT SIGN YOUR MARRIAGE LICENSE and I WILL RETURN IT TO YOU UNSIGNED. Please understand that you are not legally married until I sign the marriage license and you have entered it into the records. 

Regardless of argument, in the mind of the public, the reception is a part of the wedding, which will be associated with the church in either a positive or a negative manner. I will not participate in or lend my approval to anything that brings reproach upon this church or any church for that matter.

It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to make your wedding party aware of this condition. Again, if they wish to drink alcohol, partake of unlawful substances, etc. then they need to do it away from this church, away from this wedding and away from this church property. 

Clothing 

I expect the bride’s dress to follow the rules set forth above concerning modesty and decency. Your body is for your husband, not for others present to gawk at. Concerning tradition, I will not see the dress before the day of the wedding. I do however expect it to at least cover your knees, and to be conservatively modest in the neckline. I expect the entire wedding party to be likewise dressed. If they are not, I will terminate my services at the wedding immediately. Since I will not see the bride's dress until she walks down aisle, it would be beneficial for you to adhere to these rules in order to save yourself some embarrassment, since I will terminate my services immediately and will announce the reason for the termination of those services if the bride's dress does not adhere to my standards of modesty. I will wear a suit and will not dress in a tuxedo unless you wish to bear the expense of the rental. 

Reminder 

Officiating a wedding is a privilege, not a right.  

As a man of God, I will represent the Lord Jesus Christ inside the confines of any building being used to join a man and a woman (I WILL NOT perform any other marriages outside 1 man and 1 woman with NO exceptions). I will require that you also represent the Lord Jesus Christ.  

If you cannot or will not adhere to my rules, or if you are reluctant to abide by them, please find someone else to officiate your ceremony.  

There are plenty of "preachers" today who will officiate any ceremony with no objections at all. 

My Commitment to you:

I take my responsibilities as a minister of the gospel and as a biblical counselor very seriously, because they are ordained of God and commissioned by Christ. 

I will endeavor to help you identify strengths and weaknesses in your relationship and will attempt to identify problem areas and implement possible solutions according to the Word of God. 

I will make time available for a minimum of 4 hours of counseling to ensure that you are aware of your responsibilities and duties as husband, wife and family. 

If I am unable to attend a session, or if I know in advance that I will be late, I will notify at least one of you far enough in advance to prevent severe inconvenience.

Your Commitment to Me

Both of you will bring a BIBLE to every counseling session. 

Take your counseling sessions seriously. 

Make your counseling sessions high priority. 

Study the Word TOGETHER

Be at each session promptly. If you know in advance that either, or both of you, are going to be more than 15 minutes late, you agree to inform me beforehand. If you know in advance that either or both of you will not be at a session, you agree to inform me beforehand. If you do not show up for a session without notifying me in advance, I will assume that you no longer wish to abide by this agreement and further sessions will be cancelled until you both reschedule the sessions. Remember, the wedding will not be performed until 4 hours of counseling have been completed.

Genuine emergencies can and do happen and of course, they are excepted. 

I will ask both the bride and groom to sign a copy of this agreement in the presence of witnesses and will furnish a copy to each. I will also keep a copy for future legal reference if required as proof of your notification and acceptance of the terms of this contract. If you feel for any reason that you cannot abide by the terms of this contract, please find someone else to officiate your ceremony. If you refuse to sign and agree to this contract, I'm sorry but I cannot perform your wedding ceremony.

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